the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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