Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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