I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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