We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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