I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
