The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
