Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
