Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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