If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
