You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
