i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
