im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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