He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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