his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sext me about skeletons
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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