I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
