Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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