My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
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i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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