i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
