Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
