thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
