Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
