make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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