So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you never un-have a 4some
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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