This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
