I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
