Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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