I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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