What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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