i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I need water and some morals
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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