Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
