I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
