worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
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Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
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Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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