Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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