I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
