I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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