I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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