I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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