I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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