I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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