but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
