it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
