I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
