You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
