everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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