Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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