Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
