Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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