I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a kid would responsible me up
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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