My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
