is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
