all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
