i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
