It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
