Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
