Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
