Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
