Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
