you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
