I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
