I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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