I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
