they need to just BURY HIM!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
