I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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