Yo dont text me then not text me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
